Friday, 18 January 2013

Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster

I never read comments. I downloaded a special program called Herp Derp for Youtube so I wouldn't have to look at the comments. When I browse a character tag on Tumblr (as I do rarely, and when I do, it's usually just Raoul Silva refreshed over and over again) I skim past every text post rapidly and only screech to a halt when I see some fanart. I have friends for a reason - it's because I'm picky about who I like to talk to and am usually dissatisfied by just striking up a conversation with random strangers.

Yesterday, I felt completely validated in this approach. My best friend, whose name is Sierra, IMed me to tell me that she had looked up her name on a baby names website. So far so good, I thought, until she told me she was looking at the comments section. There, she found that someone had left the following comment:

Personally, I despise the name "Sierra." I merely feel that it is very default, very generic... it greatly lacks professional qualities, as well as being pretentious-, pompous-, uneducated-, and infantile-sounding. It is terribly pageant-baby-- certainly not the definition of brains.
The manic accumulation of spelling-variants cannot save "Sierra," for it is neither attractive to the eye or to the ear.-- Francesca  1/30/2012
So after learning that the name Sierra is pretty much responsible for world hunger, the majority of baby rapes, and probably the extermination of the Jews, my friend then went on to glance at the commenter's profile.

Now, on this website, people with accounts list their top five baby names for boys and girls. And according to the list, Francesca's favorite boys' name is Severo.

Yeah. It gets worse from there. Her third favorite boys' name is "Sylvester/Silvestro", which aside from the ridiculous faux-Italian spelling variant which would be out of place literally anywhere in the world except for the Old Country itself, just makes me think of Sylvester the Cat.

On top of that, her favorite girls' name is Marie, which is hilarious to anyone who's seen Goodfellas, not to mention eye-gougingly generic, which wouldn't be a problem unless you were the kind of person that went around slamming names for being too generic. Her second favorite is "Susana" (spelling variants, anyone?). And her third favorite?


Wait, what?

Yes, apparently that is a girls' name that girls are actually named, on occasion. Luckily for those chosen few, it is a name both incredibly professional and refreshingly unpretentious, not to mention it personifies maturity. This is a name for a future CEO, or even the first female President. And as if that weren't enough, it is wonderfully feminine and attractive. On the page it is a tiny work of art in itself, and it melts like butter on the tongue.

And best of all, it is most definitely not generic.


  1. Herp derp derpy herp derp

    1. Ahh, the gentle herping and derping of passing commenters.